Beautiful Weather!

So I am so amazed with this awesome weather! It has been so much fun to be outside and enjoy the sunshine.

Yesterday I went to Nick's (my best friend Sarah's son's) first BMX practice. It was so fun! It is much harder than it looks I believe, but he did a great job! Here are Nick and Cadey hanging out after the practice:


On my drive home I was enjoying my car ride with my sunroof open (I know I dont look too happy, but really, I was!)


And this is the look up out of my sunroof- Heavenly!

Fun, long weekend

It was nice to have a long weekend and go to the lake and be outside for more than just a few minutes. I had a really nice weekend, my Aunt Deb invited me and my grandma up to her house to stay overnight on Sunday. We had the most gorgeous weather on Sunday and went on two boat rides and it was absolutely perfect!

These are some amazing lilacs from my aunt Joni's house- they smell soooo good! Someday I will for sure have lilacs at my house!


This is a pic of my cousin Megan and her new husband Mike and their pug Milky Way- I tell ya what- that dog is so funny! And he had so much fun running around the yard.


This is my Aunt Deb and her dog Brock- isn't he such a cute dog?!?! He thinks he is a lap dog, haha. Such a funny dog- he is a Golden Doodle.




Here is my Mom being her funny self with a hose. HAHAHA


Off the subject, here is a chunk of tofu... I have been eating it everyday for few days now and I really like it! I saute little tiny pieces in olive oil then put either soy sauce or balsamic vinegar on it (my aunt Julie's recipe) and I am really liking it!


And, I didn't forget about my scars! I like to call this one Vamp because it looks like some sort of strange vampire bite or something. He mostly keeps to himself and doesn't give me much grief.


TTFN

Wonderful, wonderful

Because today is Memorial day, I wanted to take a minute to remember my Grandpa. I miss him dearly and life just isn't the same without him. He died about 4 1/2 months ago and I think about him everyday. I appreciate that his grave is close by and I can drive over there and talk to him whenever I would like to. Today I went to his grave with my grandma, mom, and aunts to pay our respects, especially since he is a veteran.

My Grandpa was an awesome person who inspired many people. There are so many lessons I have learned from him, and I know that I am the person I am today because of his love and guidance. My grandpa was the most gentle person I have ever know- I cannot remember ever seeing him mad or upset in all my life. Things didn't get to him and change how he acted. He was good at letting people know how he felt about them, and was good at seeing the positive in people. In the end days of his life, if you would ask him how he was, he would answer EVERY TIME by saying "wonderful, wonderful". No matter how tired he was, how sick he was, how much pain he may have been in, everything was "wonderful, wonderful". This is a great lesson for me, and all of us for that matter. His perspective on life was so jubilant and positive, I could stand to learn that lesson and apply it to my own life. I am also grateful to my grandpa for how he was so sweet to my grandma. They were married over 60 years and were the epitome of the wedding vows. They loved each other through ups and downs, good times and bad, feast and famine. I can only hope to find a love half as strong as theirs, and I would be lucky.

I miss my Grandpa more than I can explain, but I know that he is in heaven just waiting for the rest of us someday. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have had such an amazing man in my life for so long.

I miss you Grandpa! XOXOXOXO

And then.....

This is the second scar I would like you to meet... his name is Fernando. He is sometimes quiet, and other times really loud and annoying. He is located in the center of my body about 5 inches above my bellybutton. Sometimes he even wears his sunglasses at night! Quite a wild one, I tell ya!

Other than that, this morning my Grandma and I are headed up to my aunt and uncles house on the LAKE! Woot woot! I am hoping to get some sun this weekend. It will be nice to get out of the house and do some other things than walk around my neighborhood and sit on the couch watching John and Kate plus Eight (which by the way I have watched at least 8 hours of that show over the last two days- its ridiculous. But my two favorite kids are Cara and Collin- SO CUTE!)

So, Happy memorial weekend everyone. GET A SOBER CAB! And lets remember those we have lost (this will be a whole 'nother blog later, trust me)

XOXO

Say Hello to my Little Friend

I thought it might be interesting to introduce you to each of my 7 scars. They are all important to me because they each play a role in this change in my life. I felt it would be a travesty to leave them out, so here we go.....

I am going to go from my right to my left, just to keep you all on the same page!

The scar on my far right is named Gebruiksaanwijzing. Now, before you judge this bold choice in name, I think you need to hear the reason I picked it. As I was standing in the shower cleaning my incisions with Dove unscented, I was realizing that I really should recognize each and every cut for all it has done for me. While I was thinking about this, my gaze drifted to my Redken Active Express Conditioner (which the NEVER should have discontinued- its the one and ONLY conditioner that I can use and comb right through my hair with no tangles. UGH!) bottle and as my eyes scanned the 1 liter bottle, the name just JUMPED out at me! Apparently it means "directions" in some language, and I thought that was fitting. "G" as we call him, is a demanding little guy, as I often have to pay special attention to him because he causes me slight pain. For whatever reason, I tend to have pain on the far sides of my stomach and not the middle- the absolute opposite of what I thought would happen. "G" also produces over 1 million google hits when I search him- pretty popular guy!

So, this has been the first of 7 introductions to my incisions. Hope you enjoy!
HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!

What exactly did I do?????

So, I wanted to show those of you who don't know what I had done, I wanted to post a diagram. I had a Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass procedure done laparoscopically. I am going to let WedMD describe exactly what this diagram means:
Gastric bypass surgery makes the stomach smaller and allows food to bypass part of the small intestine. You will feel full more quickly than when your stomach was its original size, which reduces the amount of food you eat and thus the calories consumed. Bypassing part of the intestine also results in fewer calories being absorbed. This leads to weight loss.
In a Roux-en-Y gastric bypass, the stomach is made smaller by creating a small pouch at the top of the stomach using surgical staples or a plastic band. The smaller stomach is connected directly to the middle portion of the small intestine (jejunum), bypassing the rest of the stomach and the upper portion of the small intestine (duodenum).

So, there are a lot of changes that happen after this, the biggest one I notice right away is the eating and drinking changes. For example. today I made 1oz of eggs and sat down to eat it, and I wasn't feeling well. I wanted to quick eat it so I could go lay down. BAD IDEA. After just a few minutes, I had a tight pain in the center of my chest. I knew this could happen, but didn't follow the rules. In order to avoid this discomfort, I need to eat slowly (my meal should take me 30 minutes to eat) and chew it into tiny bites so the consistency is that of applesauce. Needless to say, I didn't do that today. I laid down and waited for the feeling to pass. Guess I needed to learn that lesson!

Other than that, I have been feeling pretty good. Today I had a harder day because I had to drive 40 minutes away to work on something with my aunt, then drive back. The angle at which I have to sit when driving is not very comfortable yet. I know its gonna get better, I am patiently waiting.

So, I am off to my sisters orchestra concert tonight :)
XOXO

Happy 1 week surgiversary to me!!!!

So last week at this time I was just getting up to my room at the hospital. How nice it is to be done with it and moving on!!

So as you can see there are some strange pics on here... The one pic is of my scars (they are kinda gross, I know, but its interesting to see how small they are) each of them is 1/2 inch or less and I have 7 total- you can only see 5 in this pic. I am feeling pretty good, the only thing that hurts still is driving and sitting. I prefer to lay so my stomach is flat and there is no pressure on the incisions.

The other two pics are from my awesome walk today! I know it was hot, but I went around 11 so that it wasn't too bad. One pic is the view from my swing at the park, and the other is a look down the creek in my neighborhood. It was such a nice walk. I am really getting to love my walks all alone, jamming to music and loving it!

So I guess that's all for today!
XOXO

Simply gorgeous~!

I got some more flowers! (I feel totally spoiled!) The one on the left is a bouquet from my Grandma Gen that was delivered today- it is in a coffee mug and the cutest part is the little tiny fake ladybugs that are on some of the flowers (I took a close-up and its kind of blurry, but super cute!) And the purple one on the right is from my sisters and their mom. I love the colors and it comes in a cute little purple ceramic container! I am so blessed!!

And today I went on an amazing walk! I walked up to the park in my neighborhood and sat on the bench and read for a while. The weather is 100% perfect out and the sun was just right, and there was a light breeze. It was totally heaven. I took my iPod with my and jammed to some new BSB songs that Tanya sent me. It was just awesome. I feel so free! I don't have to be anywhere at any specific time, and I can just do as I please. I know it wont last long, so I am going to take advantage of it while I can.

On a more somber note, I have been really disappointed lately with someone and I want to vent. This person tells me lie after lie after lie, and I didn't realize how much until this week. It sucks when you really care about someone, even stand up for them, only to find out the truth.... I guess all I can do is pray and hope it all gets taken care of.

XOXO

Eat, eat eat, sip, sip sip....

So my whole life is currently consumed by counting the number of ounces I am drinking, the grams of protein I am consuming, watching to clock to make sure I don't eat 30 minutes before or after eating, is it time to take more meds?... If nothing else, getting used to this new lifestyle is basically a full time job! Plus, at 3 weeks out I am able to start on soft solids (things like tofu, tuna, bananas, hard-boiled eggs, etc....). Its quite the undertaking!

The pic above is what a meal looks like for me (don't be jealous!) its 1/8 cup of egg beaters and some cheese. I have also added some sour cream and its a GREAT meal! I have had it for many meals already, because its so tasty! The weird thing is that I have to make that tiny bit of eggs last me 30 minutes! I am supposed to take 30 mins to eat any meal and chew it slowly, so I do! Also, notice the baby silverware I am using. That was the best tip anyone gave me before surgery- it helps me remember to take small bites and chew really well. Plus, they are kinda cute!!

The weird thing is that I almost feel like I am doing too good. I haven't had ONE time where I ate or drank too fast and had pain, which I guess is super normal for people, especially at first. I am one of these people that thinks I will be the ONE and ONLY person that this doesn't work for- haha. I sure hope not! I just like to think that I follow the directions 100% and because of that, I am doing great. Tomorrow my surgeons office will give me a call to check in and see how I am feeling, and I cant wait to tell them how great I feel!

Plus, the little butterfly strips that are over my incisions are slowly starting to peel off and I really want to see what is under there! I have 7 incisions that are about 1/2 inch each- so quite tiny. Also, the sutures are on the inside, so there is basically just a little butterfly strip on the outside holding it together. I am also excited to get these strips off so I can properly wash my stomach! Its weird to not....

So anyways, I had a nice visit from my sister Katie and her mom Debbie today. I really appreciate when people stop by and chat for a while because I can only watch so much Real Housewives (although I cant get enough of the New Jersey ladies!!!)

Alrighty then, off I go!

I am Loved!

I wanted to thank everyone that has supported me during this journey. I cant tell you all how much I appreciate it! This is a pic of all the nice things people brought me after surgery.
I got flowers from my Grandma and from Nicole and Nate, Joni brought me the Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader game and tons of magazines, I got a beautiful porcelain angel from both my aunt Deb and my Grandma (and they didn't even know the other was getting one, and they go together beautifully!) Deb also gave me some gorgeous floral cards, and I got many cards from people wishing me well.
My mom also took the date off the calendar in my hospital room so that I can keep it. It has the date May 13, 2009 on it, since it was such a big day for me :)

On another note, eating is going really well for me. I am right on track with what my surgeon wanted me to be doing. For example, I have been eating eggs, squash (baby food style), protein shakes, soup, sugar-free Popsicles, and lots and lots of water!

So, its going well, and I appreciate everything everyone has done. Lets hope my recovery all goes this smoothly!

Home Sweet Home

Yes, I slept in MY bed last night!!! I will tell you do I don't miss being woken up every 45 minutes by something beeping, a nurse yelling, someone crying, phones ringing, blood pressure tests, etc..... It is quite a zoo at the hospital. I think I never slept more than an hour at a time because of all the interruptions and pain and such. But last night I slept in blocks of 4-5 hours so that is a big improvement.

Right now, the hardest thing is getting in and out of chairs and beds- anything that requires me to engage my stomach muscles can get my in some pain. I am happy to be home and am feeling better everyday.

I also want to thank everyone that has been reading my blog and leaving me nice comments. I read them all, and its really nice to know you guys are reading this. XOXOXOXO

Update

Soooooo, I am still laying in my bed, bored out of my mind, At this point I suppose I am waiting for the surgeon to stop by and give me the go ahead to get out of here. But first, I am to start my full liquid lunch, which will have soup or something. For breakfast I had some broth and jello- yummmmmm.
Now, to keep me somewhat entertained, I am watching Tyra! I know she is excessive, but I do love the girl! And she keeps me laughing! And the finale of ANTM was on last night and my girl didnt win :( But at least last year Whitney won- she was my GRRL!

I made it!

So, surgery is all done and I am up in my room now. I look like crap, but I feel pretty good. I woke up without much pain, and have been doing well ever since. I have walked 4 times and really am doing great. I am currently watching the Americas Next Top Model finale!!

Will check back later!
XOXO

At the hospital

I am in the pre-op waiting room waiting to be gowned up! Just thought I would quick pop in and let you all know I am calm and collected (so far...) And I gave my mom 1 rule; NO CRYING. That is the last thing I need today- is her to cry and freak me out! Lets see if she can keep herself under control!

XOXOXOXO

You won't find this...

Here are the lyrics for the song "You won't find this" which is where my blog title is from:

Did you check the tires
Put gas in the car
Don't think you need too much, 'cause you ain't gonna get that far
Did you pack the good times
Don't forget a map
Just in case the route you take isn't there to take you back

You can hold any girl that you like
Fall in love when it's easy at night
But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better
When you're lost and run out of road
Find what I already know
In the end closer's all there is
But you won't find this
No, you won't find this

There's once in a lifetime
And there's once in a while
And the difference between the two is about a million miles
Oh, you might get lucky while the moon is looking up
But in the truth of the morning, the stars will be long gone

You can hold any girl that you like
Fall in love when it's easy at night
But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better
When you're lost and run out of road
Find what I already know
In the end closer's all there is
But you won't find this

You can hold any girl that you like
Fall in love when it's easy at night
But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better
When you're lost and run out of road
Find what I already know
In the end closer's all there is
Oh, in the end it's me you're going to miss
'Cause you won't find this
Oh, you won't find this

48 hours.....

I would like to paint a picture for you.... 48 hours from right now this will be what is happening:
I will be driving my car, equipped with my mom and my overnight bag, to the hospital in downtown Minneapolis in rush hour traffic. I will try to stay calm while listening to a CD (probably NKOTB because I am obsessed with that CD) Or maybe the newly leaked BSB songs, I am not sure yet... Any way... I will be trying not to freak out inside and will be reminding my mom that she is NOT allowed to cry when I leave for surgery. I am already freaked out enough, I don't need her to cry. She is allowed to cry, however, once she can no longer see me.

I am wanting this to just be over so I know I am still alive and well!

Right now my good friend is checking in to the hospital for her surgery. I am praying for her all day! I know she is going to do great! I am going to go visit after work and see how she is doing. Last night she and I went to Target to get some last minute things that she needed, namely the awesome meds that make you empty your bowels! I will get to enjoy the same luxury tomorrow, let me tell ya, I am NOT excited! But I AM excited about getting this done and changing my life.

So, this weekend, I kinda ate more than usual on Sunday but other than that I have remained well within my allotted caloric intake and protein requirements.

I am going to go now, and say a prayer for my friend...

I feel like crap

I am so freaking sick of migraines!!!! I am praying that losing weight helps me out a bit because nothing else seems to help! I have been on daily meds to help, abortive meds, head injections, etc... so far nothing really REALLY works... Currently I get Botox injections and they definitely help but do not help as much as I would like. I still have some horrible headaches that make me wonder... I get headaches on average 2-3 times/week. This is wayyyy too much! Sometimes I question myself- I wonder if I really get them as often and as uncontrollable as I do, but then I get another headache and I remember how real the pain is... I just want a break. So many of my plans are ruined because of these freaking migraines, it isn't even funny. I have better things to do than worry about my pain management. SO MANY more things, let me tell ya! I guess we will see very shortly since my surgery is only 5 days away! HOLY COW, I can count that on ONE hand! Geeze, this getting close!

Makes me want a hot dog real bad

Ok, so I know I already blogged today, but I have to find a way to get my mind off the food I am NOT eating right now. For lunch I had 6 oz of chicken broth and NASTY chocolate pudding with added protein while the rest of my co-workers are eating the most delicious display of picnic food I have ever seen! They did a potluck today with hot dogs and all the yummy things that go along with them; ketchup, mustard, buns, pickles, relish, onion, cheese, jalepenos, etc.... they also have chips and sweets and pop- it makes me want to break down! I have never wanted a hot dog so bad!!!! SAVE ME! The sucky thing is that post-op I could totally have a hot dog! But just because I am on this stupid liquid pre-op diet, my life is nearly ruined. **tear**

Deep breath.....

So today was a very rough day in the liquid diet dept. I had to go to a McDonalds for my second job, and I wanted nothing more than an order of fries! It made me regret that I did not go to McD's and have my "last" order of fries before I started this liquid diet. Sitting in that restaurant was like torture. I sat down with a glass of ice and my EAS drink and tried to pretend it was like eating french fries- only the shake was chocolately, not salty and crispy. Somehow I made it out of those big yellow arches without caving in. Felt really good!

Ohmigod Ohmigod you guys!

I went to Legally Blonde the Musical last night. It. Was. AWESOME!!! I love the theatre and this show is just so much fun! I love that they had real dogs in the play as well- 2 of them! And they use rescue dogs! :) My Mom bought me a ticket as a pre-op present. It was perfect!

And as far as the liquid diet goes, I am hanging in there!! I have stayed strong and am not cheating and want to do this the right way! Woohoo!!!

So, to be short and sweet today, I shall go. SNAPS!

I WANT TO EAT SOMETHING REAL

All these delusional people told me that the first few days of this liquid diet would be the worst and that it gets easier. One word: LIARS! It is getting worse and harder and I am now STARVING!! I want food. If I could eat, I would eat:
Cheese quesadilla at taco bell- TONS of hot sauce
Roast beef pot roast- Moms recipe
Chicken Chimichangas and cheese sauce with chips
Pintos and cheese
Big juicy cheeseburger from Fridays with fries
Caesar salad with tons of parm and fried chicken
Suddenly Salad pasta
PIZZA
Hot dog
Fried green peppers with cheese
Red velvet cake
Fried zucchini
Chicken chow mein
Big Mac
Cheese; cheddar, pepper jack, mozarella (fresh), American, feta, ricotta....
Here is the worst part... even the dog food smelled edible! OMG someone save me!

Ok, so I just keep telling myself
This is gonna be worth it
This is gonna be worth it
This is gonna be worth it
THIS BETTER BE WORTH IT!!!!!

Liquid Diet

Today is my 4th day of my liquid diet, and I must say it isn't THAT bad.... I am not saying I Love them, but whatever... Oh, and I have to give a shout out to BLENDER BOTTLES! They are the most amazing invention ever! Ok, maybe thats a little exaggerated, but they are awesome. The first day of my liquid diet I put my water and protein powder in a cup and began stirring...and stirring.... and stirring... No matter how fast I stirred, the powder would not mix with the water! GRRRR So I prettymuch chewed my shake that first day. Not so pleasant. So I went on one of my WLS message boards and asked for help, and thankfully I learned about blender bottles.LOVE THEM! No one should ever be asked to make a protein drink without one!And with that, I am going to go. I am going to convince my mom to go down to the dam with me and walk around today. There isn't a cloud in the sky!!!